Twenty-one on none

Confession: I still get a kick out of "Bears on Wheels" by the Berenstains.

It's one of the first books my parents read to me when I was little.

I also introduced it to Charlie and Thomas when they were little, and it stuck with us. Even today, when I'm with my 'big guys' and we see people on bicycles, it always occurs to one of us to blurt out how many people on how many wheels there are (example: "Three on six").

Recently, it occurred to me that I'd like to share this classic with my preschooler, Jacob. I ordered it from ThriftBooks (always my first resort for buying books online), and it was shipped to my office.

I waited anxiously for the end of the workday, anticipating my son's giggles at the pictures and narrative of bears falling onto and off of various wheeled things.

Then I started second-guessing my anticipation. Was I being too optimistic? What if Jacob didn't like the book the way I did? Would I be upset? Why did I want Jacob to have the same kind of experiences his older brothers had? Was this about him or about me and my nostalgia?

Sheesh. It's just a book.

Anyway, much to my delight, Jacob found "Bears on Wheels" very entertaining and soon began requesting it at bedtime.

A couple of weeks ago, Jacob and I were on a walk and saw two bicyclists pedaling by.

I said, "Two on four."

He said, "No, it's not two on four." (He disagrees with things he doesn't understand. Don't we all?)

I explained: "It's two guys on four wheels."

"Oh, it is?"

Then we went into the math. "It's two wheels on one bike and two wheels on the other bike. Two plus two is ..."

"Four!" He got it.

Thanks to Stan and Jan Berenstain, I can reinforce simple addition with my son (and eventually  multiplication by two)  every time someone goes by on a bicycle.

If you have never read the book, you probably won't understand the title of this post, "Twenty-one on none." But I won't give it away. It's best that you discover it on the printed page, as my sons and I have.

What literary gems from your childhood have you shared with your kids?

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Been there, done that, so what?

People I meet at my son's preschool are sometimes surprised to learn that Jacob has two adult half-brothers. When I told one of the dads, he said, with hints of awe and envy, "So you've already done the whole thing -- this is easy for you."

He and I both know that it never gets "easy" no matter how many kids you have. As we talked, it became clear that he was talking about confidence more than competence.

Like most recycled dads, I am more confident and less anxious as a parent this time. But let's face it: I don't really have any special advantage over the average parent of multiple children.

The last time I had a child Jacob's age was 15 years ago. Any parent with more recent experience with a preschooler has an advantage over me.

I guess there may be  special insights I've gained from seeing my older sons grow all the way to adulthood, but I think the confidence and ease that I feel are mostly 'conjured' -- the result of feeling that I have 'been there, done that.' It's the parenting equivalent of Dumbo's magic feather.

Fafa faa fa, fa fafa faa fa

When I've got nothing to say,
my lips are sealed.
Say something once,
why say it again?

But there are lots of great
Dad Bloggers (24 of them so far)
who do have something to say
on this excellent Fatherhood Friday.

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Not as easily spooked anymore

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This is that delightful time of year when I have to poke my head inside each store to check for scary things before I bring my young son inside.

Last October, I took Jacob (then 2½ years old) into a craft supply store and walked him past a full-size ghost figure that I was sure he wouldn't notice. But the ghost had a motion sensor, and as we came alongside it, the thing started moving and emitting an evil laugh. Jacob screamed in horror and clung to me.

I was slow to learn my lesson. About a week later, I was out with Jacob again and realized I needed something from Party City. I hastily pushed the door open and led my son by the hand into the store, where we found ourselves face to face with a large 'bargain bin' full of 4-foot-tall Grim Reapers. He got a look of panic on his face, and we both high-tailed it for the safety of the sidewalk.

I've never been too fond of scary stuff, for emotional and spiritual reasons. When my first two sons were little, I actually took a pretty hard stand on Halloween. Our family distanced itself from the H word and from the 'spooky' activities that tend to mark the day. If my sons wore costumes on or around Oct. 31, it was to participate in a church event (typically called a harvest festival) where scary costumes were out of the question.

I still take spiritual matters very seriously, I still think church harvest festivals are way better than trick-or-treating, and of course I make an effort to keep Jacob from seeing the 'horrific' side of Halloween. But I'm a mellower dad than I used to be. For example, I'm not keeping my son out of the preschool's Halloween parade simply because they call it a Halloween parade. Labeling an event with the H word does not make it a demonic ritual, just as calling an event a "Christmas party" does not make it a religious observance. It's what happens at the event that determines what it is. And everything this preschool does, it does with extreme sensitivity to the kids' emotional comfort. I'm not afraid.

I don't know if it's because my belief system has evolved or simply because I'm older and wiser now, but I just don't get wrapped around the axle about names and labels -- including "Halloween" -- anymore.

Anyone have something to share on the innocence or the evils of All Hallows' Eve?

We are a Microtrend. I did not know that.

Did you know that the phenomenon of older guys becoming fathers is a Microtrend?

Microtrends: The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow's Big Changes, includes a chapter on recycled dads -- or, as the authors put it, "Old New Dads." Those authors, Mark Penn and Kinney Zalesne, were kind enough to 'adapt' the chapter into a Babble.com article that seems to explain everything about us in fewer than 1,200 words.

So if you're cheap and lazy, just read the article rather than hunting down the book or buying it online.

If you are cheap and ridiculously lazy, read my <400-word summary of the article.

If you encounter something (in the article or this post) that you strongly agree or disagree with, please feel free to leave a comment.

My summary:


There has been an explosion in the number of men ages 40 to 44 who are fathering children. That's represented by the solid line in this graphic:



Reasons there are more "Old New Dads":

• More older women are having children.


• The divorce rate continues to increase.


• Men tend to marry soon after divorce, and to marry younger women the next time.


• There is "a combination of biology and success" that makes it feasible and appealing for older men to have children.

Implications (negative)

• "Old New Dads" have trouble keeping up with their kids physically.


• "Old New Dads" have fewer years with their kids.


• "Old New Dads need to work longer, and retire later, in order to pay for college tuition and other expenses of child rearing later in life."

Implications (positive)

• "Old New Dads" dads are more relaxed, satisfied and 'engaged' in their roles as parents.


• "Old New Dads" experience "the joys of family life" in a period that might otherwise be less meaningful for some men.


• "Old New Dads" are a strong consumer segment and have more resources to share with their families.

"Old New Dads" have hardly been studied, even though "in 2001, the number of children born to fathers over 40 was practically equal to the number of children born to mothers under 19."

(The article suggests) the children of "Old New Dads" gain as much from having more mature role models as they lose by having less physically active fathers.

In the final paragraphs: heavy thoughts about "our aging-parent support system," the political clout of "Old New Dads," and the notion that these dads disrupt traditional voting patterns by having the values and priorities of men 20 years younger.

Pet names for our adult children?

I still call my 21-year-old son by the pet name his mom and I gave him when he was an infant. He doesn't seem to mind, as long as it's only among family.

I'm sure other parents do this to their adult children, but why do we do it? Are we nostalgic for when they were little?

What a preschooler considers a thrill ride

I spent Sunday afternoon with my 3.5-year-old, Jacob, at a theme park where we have season passes. When it's just me and him, I can't do roller coasters -- we just do the kid stuff together. On top of that, he's still afraid of the most exciting kid rides, so Sunday was a potentially dull day for me. But as it turned out, I really enjoyed going Jacob's speed. It was fun just watching him have fun.

Jacob will eventually warm up to things like the Road Runner Express,

and then Cobra, 

and someday Medusa  .

I know from my experiences with my older boys that each stage is fun in its own way. Watching a child overcome his fear and try something new is actually one of the most exciting things about parenting.

Right now, I'm just enjoying that fleeting season of life when all it takes to 'thrill' Jacob is to put him in a miniature safari jeep that does a lap around a tortoise enclosure at 1 mph.