Who will learn more - you or Cameron?

It's been a long time since I posted. But I've come out of hibernation for a good reason: to publicize this opportunity for other "old new dads" to help a marketing student in the U.K. with his research by sharing their insights.

If you are a recycled dad, please download this questionnaire, complete it, and e-mail it to cameronblack19@googlemail.com . I found the questions very thought-provoking; you probably will, too.

Here is the message the researcher sent me via my blog:

My name is Cameron Black. I am a  first year student at Bournemouth University, England and am currently studying Advertising. As part of a consumer psychology unit, we are doing a project on a new market segment that is yet to be explored by a high street retailer i.e old new dads. The main aim of our project is to discover what new products might appeal to men who have become Dads later on in life and what would help them to bond better with their children.

If you have any suggestions or any information regarding a product that you think might be successful it would be much appreciated. I would also be interested to hear about your experience of becoming a older or recycled father and what the positives from that experience.

"..."

I'm a lot less uptight about the words I use around Jacob than I was 'a generation ago' with Charlie and Thomas.

Today, as I was putting Jacob in his car seat:

Jacob: "Ow!"

Me: "I'm sorry. Did I crush your nuts?"

Jacob (laughing): "No, you didn't crush my nuts! How did you know I had nuts?"

Angela and me (laughing): "..."

Jacob: "How did you know I had nuts in my belly?"

Angela and me (laughing uncontrollably): "..."

Good guess!

Background item 1: Ever since Charlie and Thomas were in elementary school, I've referred to the indirect (often scenic) driving route as "the fun way." I've continued this habit with Jacob.

Background item 2: Jacob recognizes many words on sight, including the names of familiar streets on signs. As we drive around, he will call them out ("Hey, that says 'Dublin Boulevard!'").

Two nights ago, on the way home from preschool, Jacob requested "the fun way," referring to a specific route that we often take. I said it was too late -- we were already in the turn lane to go the normal way, but we could go a *different* fun way by going straight at the next intersection. As we approached that intersection, he spotted a small green sign in the median that read "Finnian Wy." He said, "Hey, that says "fun way!!"

A noisy life

I'm writing this from the place I go every Tuesday evening with my 4-year-old, Jacob. It has multiple playrooms for him, with inflatable 'bouncy houses' and slides, foam pits, riding toys and a great crew of employees who supervise the kids and do games and crafts with them. We get dinner here -- they have great pizza. For me, there is also wi-fi and a Starbucks counter (or I can get a beer). It is ideal.

Except that it is so loud in here.

I don't mind the kids yelling -- or even crying -- but there are these giant pumps that keep the inflatables inflated and emit a constant, loud, dull whir. It's hard to have a conversation with the people I run into here, let alone get on the phone with someone. And that is a shame because this would be a great time to catch up with my other two sons.

Connecting with either of my older sons when we're both available is only half the battle. The other half is finding a place where I can actually hear them.

Sometimes I try to talk to #1 son Charlie or #2 son Thomas while I'm on my commute home -- but if I'm taking the train, forget it -- it's too loud on the train and on the platform. So whenever I drive, I try to reach them (using a hands-free kit, of course). But I almost always have errands on the way. In stores. Where it's loud. So I have to hang up before we're really done.

Plus, my hands-free kit (which I installed myself) has an annoying hum that I can suppress only by putting my hand over one end of the kit. Is it still hands-free if I have to do that?

Calling them from home is not an option before Jacob is in bed for the night. And by the time he crashes, I'm ready to do the same!

Has life always been this loud during every waking hour?

An unprecedented toileting experience

I thought I had been through every kind of toilet emergency, but today my four-year-old sprung a new one on me:

He says, "I have to go pee right now or I'm going to wet my pants,"  and the only available toilet is the one I'm on (and actively using).

Two men I greatly admire (and not just because they are my sons)

This post -- the first in a long time -- is not an exploration of the blessings and challenges of recycled fatherhood. It is just shameless gloating. This month, my first and second sons both landed excellent jobs.

To say that I place a high value on my sons' autonomy would be an understatement, but I'm not just relieved that they have jobs. I'm excited about the kinds of work they will be doing.

Charlie, a recent UCLA grad and a professional musician, started this week as a specialist at the Apple store in Santa Monica. The job has great synergy with his musicianship (in addition to playing bass, he composes and performs electronic music on a MacBook). He called me tonight with a positive report about his first day on the floor.

Thomas, a freshman (political science major) at UCSD, will be a resident assistant (RA) at the university beginning next year. He is the right man for the job, compulsive about helping people and brilliantly inventive in figuring out how best to do it -- qualities he has demonstrated as a student council member at UCSD's Warren College and, previously, as ASB president at his high school. I see lots more leadership in his future.

No pearl of wisdom, no punch line. I just admire these two young men so much, and I want those who come across this blog to know about it.

Still here